The Second Chance- Dont'!..You will live to regret it....
His heart was pounding and even the pounding was drowned by the voices blaring in his mind. He didn know, he felt like he was drowning and running away from invisible captors at the same time.The feeling of utter regret was too much to bear. At that very moment in time, he felt very much like a fool, to have followed the instigation of those very voices which betrayed him now.Everything was crystal clear now, suddenly, when it was seemingly too late. The act had already been done. It could all very well be over for him.
He did have a family; he could have salvaged the bond that had deteriorated over the years; if only, if only he had given in and not let his temper get the better of him.There were those who didn have much to look forward to in terms of an education or career prospect, he wasnt one of them.He happened to be one of the more promising ones in school, till the fustration from the outside got to him. Even then, it hadn been too late. There were many viable options. The route back on track was far from illusive. Still, the voices had lied and lied persuasively.He was convinced that he was nobody's child; that no one cared.No, they did care; now that he had blown it, if they knew, the thoughts of the sheer agony his family would go through, the embarrasment, his well wishers from afar; their dissapointment; the utter shock his friends would be dealt with;they would never have guessed him as such; it was all too overwhelming.Friends were aplenty; they were never too far; it was him, he felt too ashamed to see them the way he was, ashamed of the way he was feeling and what he was going through.For each of the outward bond he lost, he cultivated one on the inside with them; the voices that seemed to know; his pain, his woes. Why must life be that hard for him alone, many nights he pondered. Bewildered by the seeming emptiness that seemed to greet his pondering, he started entertaining the lies; that he just wasnt meant to have the life they all seemed to have.The voices were right. He just didn deserve what he was going through; he had never been outrightly unfilial, selfish or evil. He wasnt even lacking in his appearance; he just didn understand why he could never be like the rest, who managed to get the attention of the girls; he never had any luck with girls; not most of them anyway. They hit him hard; and the scars they left never seemed to heal.It was time, then he decided; he had made his pact with the voices; the promise of satisfaction was to him like ointment over his wounds.
As he neared his destination; he could feel the struggle. The struggle between whatever glimmer of hope of a better tomorrow he had left and the voices which convinced him that hope was nothing but mocking deceit.It was too late now; they told him, he had already made his pact; now he had to see through the plan. Besides, they would never cease to haunt him if he backed out now. They reminded him of the excrucitating pain he was subject to before this; did he really think there was another way out.? Was he really willing to take the chances? No. he decided.There was no way he was going to take a chance like that. He was fully willing, to end the pain; the means to an end hardly mattered at a time like this.
The adrenalin was bursting through his veins; he could feel the trickle of sweat down his face. He glanced around nervously; fully apprehensive yet strangely excited.The coast was clear. He did it; heart in his mouth. At that moment; his survival instincts took over. He was swift and precise. Once done; he moved away quickly and warily. He had barely taken five steps when something inside him died. The voices were back.Strangely enough, his friends of his darkest and deepest became his accusers. They accused him mercilessly and relentlessly. How could he have given in to a moment of folly. He had read about these things a million times. They used to laugh about the folly of these guys. Sometimes he laughed the loudest. He wasnt laughing now. In those few steps, he was encompassed by the wierdest assortment of feelings; great fear, deep regret, dissapointing sorrow, and a need to escape from the face of the earth. And it was then he prayed; he had made HIM so small in his eyes, he begged for forgiveness, all he wanted now was a chance, a second chance; he would work tirelessly, to make all things right. Turn back time, he prayed, erase the events of the last few hours, please, he pleaded.His life then wasnt actually as bad as the voices convinced him it was. He had hope then; he just hadn seen it; but he saw it now. He knew, he knew he could make it all work;he would give anything now for that second chance; only he really had nothing else to give. It had all been squandered away blindly the instant he gave in to his weakness.Despair and gloom overshadowed him. It was too late. It wouldn be too long now, he would face the world, head down in shame.
He felt himself falling. Falling deeper and deeper, into the darkness, it was neverending; his arms were frantically waving,trying to grab hold of something. There was nothing. There was nothing. He landed on a pool of water and finally he saw light. His shelves and walls came into sight. He picked himself up, glad that it was over.He walked away; to drink some water to swallow the knot that had formed in his throat during his ordeal.
He knew then, life wasnt that hard. It was all a matter of the mind.
Warning : Do not engage in self destruction.Life goes on, no matter what happens. Everyday that you are alive and safe, is a day, that might just be your big break. Take it as it comes. Dont push the self-destruct button. You will live to regret it. This post is dedicated to Danial, I hope things get better for you my friend.
His heart was pounding and even the pounding was drowned by the voices blaring in his mind. He didn know, he felt like he was drowning and running away from invisible captors at the same time.The feeling of utter regret was too much to bear. At that very moment in time, he felt very much like a fool, to have followed the instigation of those very voices which betrayed him now.Everything was crystal clear now, suddenly, when it was seemingly too late. The act had already been done. It could all very well be over for him.
He did have a family; he could have salvaged the bond that had deteriorated over the years; if only, if only he had given in and not let his temper get the better of him.There were those who didn have much to look forward to in terms of an education or career prospect, he wasnt one of them.He happened to be one of the more promising ones in school, till the fustration from the outside got to him. Even then, it hadn been too late. There were many viable options. The route back on track was far from illusive. Still, the voices had lied and lied persuasively.He was convinced that he was nobody's child; that no one cared.No, they did care; now that he had blown it, if they knew, the thoughts of the sheer agony his family would go through, the embarrasment, his well wishers from afar; their dissapointment; the utter shock his friends would be dealt with;they would never have guessed him as such; it was all too overwhelming.Friends were aplenty; they were never too far; it was him, he felt too ashamed to see them the way he was, ashamed of the way he was feeling and what he was going through.For each of the outward bond he lost, he cultivated one on the inside with them; the voices that seemed to know; his pain, his woes. Why must life be that hard for him alone, many nights he pondered. Bewildered by the seeming emptiness that seemed to greet his pondering, he started entertaining the lies; that he just wasnt meant to have the life they all seemed to have.The voices were right. He just didn deserve what he was going through; he had never been outrightly unfilial, selfish or evil. He wasnt even lacking in his appearance; he just didn understand why he could never be like the rest, who managed to get the attention of the girls; he never had any luck with girls; not most of them anyway. They hit him hard; and the scars they left never seemed to heal.It was time, then he decided; he had made his pact with the voices; the promise of satisfaction was to him like ointment over his wounds.
As he neared his destination; he could feel the struggle. The struggle between whatever glimmer of hope of a better tomorrow he had left and the voices which convinced him that hope was nothing but mocking deceit.It was too late now; they told him, he had already made his pact; now he had to see through the plan. Besides, they would never cease to haunt him if he backed out now. They reminded him of the excrucitating pain he was subject to before this; did he really think there was another way out.? Was he really willing to take the chances? No. he decided.There was no way he was going to take a chance like that. He was fully willing, to end the pain; the means to an end hardly mattered at a time like this.
The adrenalin was bursting through his veins; he could feel the trickle of sweat down his face. He glanced around nervously; fully apprehensive yet strangely excited.The coast was clear. He did it; heart in his mouth. At that moment; his survival instincts took over. He was swift and precise. Once done; he moved away quickly and warily. He had barely taken five steps when something inside him died. The voices were back.Strangely enough, his friends of his darkest and deepest became his accusers. They accused him mercilessly and relentlessly. How could he have given in to a moment of folly. He had read about these things a million times. They used to laugh about the folly of these guys. Sometimes he laughed the loudest. He wasnt laughing now. In those few steps, he was encompassed by the wierdest assortment of feelings; great fear, deep regret, dissapointing sorrow, and a need to escape from the face of the earth. And it was then he prayed; he had made HIM so small in his eyes, he begged for forgiveness, all he wanted now was a chance, a second chance; he would work tirelessly, to make all things right. Turn back time, he prayed, erase the events of the last few hours, please, he pleaded.His life then wasnt actually as bad as the voices convinced him it was. He had hope then; he just hadn seen it; but he saw it now. He knew, he knew he could make it all work;he would give anything now for that second chance; only he really had nothing else to give. It had all been squandered away blindly the instant he gave in to his weakness.Despair and gloom overshadowed him. It was too late. It wouldn be too long now, he would face the world, head down in shame.
He felt himself falling. Falling deeper and deeper, into the darkness, it was neverending; his arms were frantically waving,trying to grab hold of something. There was nothing. There was nothing. He landed on a pool of water and finally he saw light. His shelves and walls came into sight. He picked himself up, glad that it was over.He walked away; to drink some water to swallow the knot that had formed in his throat during his ordeal.
He knew then, life wasnt that hard. It was all a matter of the mind.
Warning : Do not engage in self destruction.Life goes on, no matter what happens. Everyday that you are alive and safe, is a day, that might just be your big break. Take it as it comes. Dont push the self-destruct button. You will live to regret it. This post is dedicated to Danial, I hope things get better for you my friend.
posted by The Sch O Hard Knockx at 11:58 PM
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